Erma Bombeck Love Quotes and Sayings
2. For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it’s time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Sayings by Erma Bombeck
1. Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.
2. There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
3. If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
4. The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
5. Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
6. Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.
7. When humor goes, there goes civilization.
8. Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
9. Never loan your car to anyone to whom you’ve given birth.
10. It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
11. If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
12. All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
13. Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
14. Children make your life important.
15. Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.
16. Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
17. Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.
18. I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
19. I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
20. I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: “Checkout Time is 18 years.
21. If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
22. It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
23. It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
24. My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
25. People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
26. When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
27. Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
28. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.