Josh Billings Love Quotes and Sayings
Please note that the weird spellings in these quotes are mostly intentional, and they have been retained as in the original, this includes inconsistencies in spelling and hyphenation.
#1-4 The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
1. Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
2. A dog iz the only animal kritter, who luvs yu more than he luvs himself.
3. If a dog falls in love with you at first sight, it will do to trust him—not so with a man.
4. LOVE iz sed tew be blind, but I kno lots ov phellows in love who kan see twice az much in their galls az i kan.
Excerpt from Wikipedia: Josh Billings was the pen name of 19th-century American humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw (April 21, 1818 – October 14, 1885). He was a famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States during the latter half of the 19th century.
Sayings by Josh Billings
#1-5 The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
1. About the only difference between the poor and the ritch, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the ritch hav tu enjoy it.
2. Adversity haz the same effekt on a man that severe training duz on the pugilist—it reduces him tew his fighting waight.
3. Advice iz like kastor-ile, eazy enuff to give, but dredful uneazy tew take.
4. The best kind ov advice tew foller iz that which agrees with our own opinyun.
5. Common sense iz instinkt, and instinkt don’t make enny blunders mutch, no more than a rat duz, in coming out, or going intew a hole, he hits the hole the fust time, and just fills it.
#6-7 Josh Billings’ Old Farmer’s Allminax 1870-1879 [S]
6. To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
7. Thare iz a time for all things, and the best time to hold our tungs, iz when we feel az tho we had the most to say.
#8 PLUM PITS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
8. Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu hav.
#9 Old Farmer’s Allminax, 1870-1879 [S]
9. Honesty iz the rarerest welth enny one kan possess, and yet all the honesty in the world, aint lawful tender for a loaf ov bread.
#10 Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings [S]
10. It is a verry delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimashun, and yures too.
#11-15 Uncle Sam’s Uncle Josh, 1972
11. Don’t never prophesy, for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it, and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
12. Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting things he has got.
13. I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am the most certain of the first time.
14. It is not only the most difficult thing to know oneself, but the most inconvenient one, too.
15. Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
#16 Everybody’s Friend [S]
16. Silence iz one ov the hardest kind ov arguments tew refute.
#17-18 Josh Billings’ Trump Kards
17. Munny will buy a pretty good dog, but it wont buy the wag ov hiz tale.
18. The thinner the ice iz, the more anxious iz every one, to see whether it will bear.
#19 GLASS DIMONDS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
19. Honesty iz like money, yu hav got tew work hard tew git it, and then work harder to keep it.
#20 FAITH, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
20. If it want for faith, thare would be no living in this world. We couldn’t even eat hash with enny safety, if it want for faith.
#21 JEWS HARPS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
21. Hunting after happiness, iz like hunting after a lost sheep in the wilderness, when yu find it, the chances are, that it iz a skeleton.
#22-23 The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
22. What the world wants iz good examples, not so mutch advice; advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves.
23. Most people when they cum tew yu for advice cum tew hav their own opinyuns strengthened, not correkted.
#24 GOOD REZOLUSHUNS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
24. …no man shall beat me in politeness, not so long az politeness kontinues tew be az cheap az it iz now.
#25-26 ODS AND ENS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
25. One ov the best temporary cures for pride and affektashun that i hav ever seen tried iz sea sickness; a man who wants tew vomit never puts on airs.
26. As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.
#27 Tight Boots, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
27. I suppozed i had lived long enuff not to be phooled agin in this way, but i hav found out that an ounce ov vanity weighs more than a pound ov reazon, espeshily when a man mistakes a bigg foot for a small one.
#28-30 Hooks & Eyes, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
28. The highest rate ov interest that we pay iz on borrowed trouble—things that are always a going tew happen never do happen.
29. Thare are people so addikted tew exagerashun, that they kant tell the truth without lieing.
30. When we are young we change our opinyuns too often. When we are old, too seldum.
#31 Tadpoles, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
31. Thare iz no revenge so komplete az forgivness.
#32 DRIED FRUIT, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
32. Thare iz only one thing that kan beat truth, and that iz he who alwus speaks it.
#33 INK LINGS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
33. Before yu give enny man advise, find out what kind ov advice will suit him the best.
#34 CHICKEN FEED, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
34. Tew be forgiven, weakens us; but tew forgiv others, weakens them.
#35 PRIVATE OPINYUNS, The Complete Works of Josh Billings, by Henry W. Shaw [S]
35. Mi private opinyun iz—that the most that learning kan do for us, iz tew teach us how little we kno.